Did God Make Her This Way...?

Did God know before she was born, that He would need her to be strong? Silent? Confident in her own right? 

Not reliant on the presence of close-knit friendships in her life? Did He know she wouldn't have patience for small talk, but only time to go "there" and get to the heart of the conversation now or never? 

Did He give her a sixth sense about knowing people's true struggles behind their fake masquerades because He knew she'd need to be picky about who she let "in" her life? 

Did He give her a desire for solitude? And a love for working hard unnoticed, in the corner of her barn, sometimes through sweat and tears, as a relief from the internal struggles, knowing she wouldn't be able to leave often? But knowing she would need an outlet? 

Did He give her continuous struggles in life recognizing her need to be broken to best do her job at home? Knowing others won't understand? But she would?

Did He remove her ability to form close knit, social friendships because her ability to maintain them is next to impossible with kids that struggle like hers do? 

Did He create her with a high pain tolerance and a strong will, to fight when she needed too? 

Did He create Her this way...for such a time as this?

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He did.

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Being a parent of a child with mental health issues is something none of us can describe. And most of us can't even put to words.  Mainly because we don't want that stigma or label on our children, born of our blood and because we can't expect you to understand.

It's not something you can call your church prayer line for, because it would be constant.  And again, you don't want that label on your kids.

And you can't schedule social events or going out late with friends and because you have to be emotionally ready 24/7. You are always on call.  Vacations are hard because you constantly worry about how tired you will be when you get home, knowing they've been out of their comfortable routine and HELL will most likely break loose upon your return. Sometimes taking a week to recover.  

You don't have energy to pour anything else into others, because emotionally you are tapped out.  And most women are exhausted by your venting because who wants to talk about depression, medication, therapy, and behavior modifications over drinks at a party.  But that is your life and you have nothing else to discuss or share about.  So you just remain silent because its easier and more acceptable.

You workouts are your only other getaway and few women understand your hobby, passion, retreat, obsession, need, and ONLY option that works besides a lot of meds to destress and cope.  So yeah, again, leaves little else to small talk about.  Therefore, leaves very little on the table to have a common bond with, in other women.

You have no babysitter's left in the pipeline because "one and done" is usually the case for date night's with a new sitter.  Only to have to cancel your plans with others, or postpone reservations...to resolve THIS is why you never go out, its not worth it.

You weigh every outing against the backlash that will ensue upon return home, and for the next 2 days after depending the amount of over-stimulation and difference in environment.

And you trust very few people, because those that just assume you "need to spank them" and do something about their lack of filter and inability to understand social cues...will never understand and its not worth trying to defend yourself.

You can't spend extra money on new outfits, fancy vacations, house remodels because your medical bills are always unexpected and rarely covered by insurance.

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So yes, if she could only remember this IS why she was created different.  Possibly misunderstood. And most often the cause of intimidation because of her bold strength, confident silence, and serious demeanor.  

Because God knew He would need her for her kids, the ones He planned for her before He created her in the womb.  And the ones who need HER to be just who she is, FOR them.  Then she wouldn't struggle so much somedays'.

-Anna