The Silent Prayers.

The best advice I ever received related to my thinking and approach now, when it comes to serving, came from a single mom of teenagers, who worked full-time, and had her own set of demons to manage.  

We were at a women's event at church. People were discussing all the ways they served in the church. Nursery. Children's church. College hour. Service Saturday's. Mission work overseas. Bible School. Mom's night out during the week. Food prep for funerals and weddings.  And I remember sitting there listening to everyone share their good deeds.  And was so impressed with all they did, could do, and were planning to do.  

I remember thinking "how do they do it all?" I had 3 children, 2 within a similar age to each other. Two with special needs not including that one was just adopted from an orphanage.  And yet as I sat there, I felt this heaviness...like I wasn't doing "enough."  

And it haunted me for a long while.  I would think about signing up for the next big event and then Jerad would be called into work and I'd have to cancel. Or I'd be up with Blake all night before a morning service project --after he had night terrors.  And I would have to back out.

I felt worthless. I couldn't do it all like they seemingly were able.  And although these were lies I was allowing myself to believe...I felt I had nothing to offer.

I loved fitness. Working out.  I was always uncomfortable around large groups of women because I never seemed to relate to a lot of their struggles.  I had my own.  

And one day, while finally releasing this heaviness of not feeling like I was "enough" to this single mama--because I couldn't contribute to the service projects of the community, church, and women's groups...I told her I felt horrible like I should apologize because I had nothing to offer.

And I'll never forget the words she said to me..."ANNA...you are a momma of young kids, ones with special needs, just because you don't make a physical appearance at these community events so your presence can be known and praised...doesn't mean you can't contribute in other ways.  Girl, NEVER, ever EVER discount the power of a written note and a prayer."

She went on to tell me she spent many of her year's looking out for women she felt God laid on her heart, or who she personally witnessed needing a "pick me up" and she would mail them a handwritten note telling them she was thinking of them, and spoke whatever wisdom she had from her heart into their life. She said she had no idea the number of letter's she had written over the year's as her kids were young.  She said, "yeah, nobody saw my presence or even knew of my letter's unless they had received one..." but it made no difference to God.  I was sending written and silent prayers that WERE JUST AS POWERFUL...and gave me a sense of purpose and service.

From that week on, my entire outlook of serving was changed. I spent my time buying up cheap stationary. I walked around with open eyes looking and searching for who desperately wanted attention and need to be noticed. Seeing who might need a lift. Possibly, just a recognition and affirmation of who they are and were...and I would put my pen to paper.

Now my handwritten notes have since turned more into messages on facebook or email's...simple snaps on snapchat...or an IG video.  But the concept still remains.  I NOW believe and KNOW the power of the silent prayers and spoken/written words. Other's may not know, but that's ok. The people who do know, were supposed too know.  

And for that, I feel I have a purpose. My gifts are "enough." And I am serving in this stage of life as I can, with my kids situations, and needs...God has given me a outlet--AND for that I'm thankful. <3