Because I Am Her.

I like going out with friends... But it can be SO energy sapping for me.  And I have no clue why.

I like socializing with other women and interacting.  But I come home SO worn out.

I would love to be out and about with all of the events I am invited too, but I also know I have to leave most of my energy on RESERVE.  It's what we mom's do.  Especially us mom's of a child with a behavioral disorder.  You never know what you are going to have to deal with...and when.  A flip can be switched at anytime...and you have to be in full on-call parenting ability, to put out fires, and control the chaos.  And try to remain patient.

It's become a parenting protective mechanism I think I've developed over time.  I can't let myself get too exhausted or I can not be a good parent at home.  I know this.  And kids with behavioral issues are VERY sensitive to this exhaustion, as if they almost can pinpoint it and act out as a result.  

But I still find myself perplexed by my inability to enjoy outing's and get -together's without being drained for days after...and it's not ALL my kids fault. ;)

Photo Courtesy of 3Twenty Photography

And here's what I've learned.

I TAKE upon myself the issues of other's.  

You see, I have this sixth sense about struggles people are going through.  It's like I can see right through the face of perfection the people I'm around are trying to portray.  

I can see the sadness behind the pretending perfection.

I can see the desperation behind the perfectly toned body on display.

I can see the need for affirmation behind the "good 'ol gal" heart.

I can see the fear behind the designer jeans and purses.

I can see the exhaustion behind the people pleasing.

And not only can I see it.  I feel it. 

Because I have been her.

I AM HER.

I know what it's like to experience all of these things.  It's tiring.  It's wearing.  But what I've learned most of all, is it doesn't have to be that way.

When we realize no one has it all together.  Everyone has their own skeletons in their closet.  We are all imperfect.  And most of us are just one step away from a break down...

We can let ourselves off the hook.  We give ourselves permission to be broken.  Therefore we give other's the ability to be broken too.

And it is the most freeing thing you can ever experience. It's indescribable with words.

And I LONG for every person to experience this freedom from shame, guilt, fear, and hopelessness.

And THAT's what exhausts me.  I finally figured it out.  

My heart breaks.  My soul aches.  

My mind stays busy because I so desperately want to say, 

"I see you.  I feel your struggle.  I get it.  And it's OK.  It IS OK!! So just stop.  Just stop all of this...And be you."