Did God Make Her This Way...?

Did God know before she was born, that He would need her to be strong? Silent? Confident in her own right? 

Not reliant on the presence of close-knit friendships in her life? Did He know she wouldn't have patience for small talk, but only time to go "there" and get to the heart of the conversation now or never? 

Did He give her a sixth sense about knowing people's true struggles behind their fake masquerades because He knew she'd need to be picky about who she let "in" her life? 

Did He give her a desire for solitude? And a love for working hard unnoticed, in the corner of her barn, sometimes through sweat and tears, as a relief from the internal struggles, knowing she wouldn't be able to leave often? But knowing she would need an outlet? 

Did He give her continuous struggles in life recognizing her need to be broken to best do her job at home? Knowing others won't understand? But she would?

Did He remove her ability to form close knit, social friendships because her ability to maintain them is next to impossible with kids that struggle like hers do? 

Did He create her with a high pain tolerance and a strong will, to fight when she needed too? 

Did He create Her this way...for such a time as this?

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He did.

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Being a parent of a child with mental health issues is something none of us can describe. And most of us can't even put to words.  Mainly because we don't want that stigma or label on our children, born of our blood and because we can't expect you to understand.

It's not something you can call your church prayer line for, because it would be constant.  And again, you don't want that label on your kids.

And you can't schedule social events or going out late with friends and because you have to be emotionally ready 24/7. You are always on call.  Vacations are hard because you constantly worry about how tired you will be when you get home, knowing they've been out of their comfortable routine and HELL will most likely break loose upon your return. Sometimes taking a week to recover.  

You don't have energy to pour anything else into others, because emotionally you are tapped out.  And most women are exhausted by your venting because who wants to talk about depression, medication, therapy, and behavior modifications over drinks at a party.  But that is your life and you have nothing else to discuss or share about.  So you just remain silent because its easier and more acceptable.

You workouts are your only other getaway and few women understand your hobby, passion, retreat, obsession, need, and ONLY option that works besides a lot of meds to destress and cope.  So yeah, again, leaves little else to small talk about.  Therefore, leaves very little on the table to have a common bond with, in other women.

You have no babysitter's left in the pipeline because "one and done" is usually the case for date night's with a new sitter.  Only to have to cancel your plans with others, or postpone reservations...to resolve THIS is why you never go out, its not worth it.

You weigh every outing against the backlash that will ensue upon return home, and for the next 2 days after depending the amount of over-stimulation and difference in environment.

And you trust very few people, because those that just assume you "need to spank them" and do something about their lack of filter and inability to understand social cues...will never understand and its not worth trying to defend yourself.

You can't spend extra money on new outfits, fancy vacations, house remodels because your medical bills are always unexpected and rarely covered by insurance.

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So yes, if she could only remember this IS why she was created different.  Possibly misunderstood. And most often the cause of intimidation because of her bold strength, confident silence, and serious demeanor.  

Because God knew He would need her for her kids, the ones He planned for her before He created her in the womb.  And the ones who need HER to be just who she is, FOR them.  Then she wouldn't struggle so much somedays'.

-Anna

The Silent Prayers.

The best advice I ever received related to my thinking and approach now, when it comes to serving, came from a single mom of teenagers, who worked full-time, and had her own set of demons to manage.  

We were at a women's event at church. People were discussing all the ways they served in the church. Nursery. Children's church. College hour. Service Saturday's. Mission work overseas. Bible School. Mom's night out during the week. Food prep for funerals and weddings.  And I remember sitting there listening to everyone share their good deeds.  And was so impressed with all they did, could do, and were planning to do.  

I remember thinking "how do they do it all?" I had 3 children, 2 within a similar age to each other. Two with special needs not including that one was just adopted from an orphanage.  And yet as I sat there, I felt this heaviness...like I wasn't doing "enough."  

And it haunted me for a long while.  I would think about signing up for the next big event and then Jerad would be called into work and I'd have to cancel. Or I'd be up with Blake all night before a morning service project --after he had night terrors.  And I would have to back out.

I felt worthless. I couldn't do it all like they seemingly were able.  And although these were lies I was allowing myself to believe...I felt I had nothing to offer.

I loved fitness. Working out.  I was always uncomfortable around large groups of women because I never seemed to relate to a lot of their struggles.  I had my own.  

And one day, while finally releasing this heaviness of not feeling like I was "enough" to this single mama--because I couldn't contribute to the service projects of the community, church, and women's groups...I told her I felt horrible like I should apologize because I had nothing to offer.

And I'll never forget the words she said to me..."ANNA...you are a momma of young kids, ones with special needs, just because you don't make a physical appearance at these community events so your presence can be known and praised...doesn't mean you can't contribute in other ways.  Girl, NEVER, ever EVER discount the power of a written note and a prayer."

She went on to tell me she spent many of her year's looking out for women she felt God laid on her heart, or who she personally witnessed needing a "pick me up" and she would mail them a handwritten note telling them she was thinking of them, and spoke whatever wisdom she had from her heart into their life. She said she had no idea the number of letter's she had written over the year's as her kids were young.  She said, "yeah, nobody saw my presence or even knew of my letter's unless they had received one..." but it made no difference to God.  I was sending written and silent prayers that WERE JUST AS POWERFUL...and gave me a sense of purpose and service.

From that week on, my entire outlook of serving was changed. I spent my time buying up cheap stationary. I walked around with open eyes looking and searching for who desperately wanted attention and need to be noticed. Seeing who might need a lift. Possibly, just a recognition and affirmation of who they are and were...and I would put my pen to paper.

Now my handwritten notes have since turned more into messages on facebook or email's...simple snaps on snapchat...or an IG video.  But the concept still remains.  I NOW believe and KNOW the power of the silent prayers and spoken/written words. Other's may not know, but that's ok. The people who do know, were supposed too know.  

And for that, I feel I have a purpose. My gifts are "enough." And I am serving in this stage of life as I can, with my kids situations, and needs...God has given me a outlet--AND for that I'm thankful. <3

Eliminating that C-Section Pooch

I spoke about this topics last summer, but as bikini season has drifted upon us again, I find myself answer this question a lot!

Today's topic will be on eliminating a C-Section Pooch.

My online client's and I have been focusing on ab workouts this week. Specifically those who have struggled with post C-Section pooches, shelves, pouches, and flab. Ha! 

(I've heard it called all of those things.)

But I wanted to share the basic steps I go through when working with someone who struggles with this issue.

So here are some basic moves and a quick little tip how to engage the lower pelvis more effectively..
You will need a ball, and a small mini-band. I purchased mine from www.power-systems.com

Make sure to have a mat or soft cushion for under your tush.  Start out slowly only completing a 5-8 reps of each movement before resting.

If you feel it in your lower back or neck, find a small support to place under your upper back..such as leaning against a couch or chair to support your neck. Also make sure not to clench your jaw and focus on deep breaths through your ribs and down your back. Fill the diaphragm with air....in and out.

And here are some self-massage techniques to diminish the scar tissue around the incision that would be causing this extra pooch.  I used my kiddo's playground ball. Just steal it while they are napping or doing other things. ha! Otherwise, my son thinks its time to play catch and tackle football.  This massage position is not a good one to be tackled in!  Those of you with boys, understand.


I would recommend completing the exercises in the first video 2-3 times a week.

And the gut smashing/massage techniques several times a day if you wish or have time.






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He will certainly not lose his reward...

"And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is My disciple, I will tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."

My heart is one that ALWAYS wants to lend a hand, help anyone I can.  I literally sat in church yesterday with tears streaming down my face as I listened the different needs of those in our community. All the different missions that need hands and feet...and I could literally volunteer and donate all my income and time to most who ask. I have no filter to what I desire to give and do and be.

And God knew that about me.  Because He provided me a husband who is very grounded and realistic. Ha! And brings balance to my life.  He also blessed me with 2 children, one through birth, and one through adoption...who have special needs.  Needs that require so much of my attention, energy, and time, emotions, heartache, celebrations, and life.  

Over the past few year's, God has revealed to me so much about boundaries, and the ones I am to stay within to best serve my family and take care of myself.  My natural tendency is to give until I am exhausted, overwhelmed and depleted, which isn't God's desire for me or anyone else.  He created me with gifts that were meant for specific projects, people, and times. And I have to check myself when approached with a new opportunity or project. 

We adopted my son, Blake, from Ukraine in 2011. He was 2 at the time.  We had a birthday party at the orphanage. We brought in McDonald's and toys for all the other kids in his orphanage groupa. We sang songs and brought as much life into a sad place, as we could.  I remember watching the kids screaming, jumping, and calling me "Mama" and Jerad "Papa."  Just begging us to bring them home. Desiring love, something they barely knew.  But I could only bring 1 child home.  Despite my desire to bring them all home, no matter the cost.  Or time. Or energy. At that moment I wanted to help them all experience love and hope and a new life.  

But it wasn't within my boundary.  Or my calling.  And for a good year after Blake's adoption, I couldn't buy anything nice for myself.  I couldn't spend money on anything extra.  I couldn't justify any expenses outside the necessities of life.  I would get angry when my kids wouldn't finish their food, calling them inconsiderate and ungrateful.  Knowing just across the world, there were kids, who were once part of Blake's everyday life who would LOVE to eat at a table with family.  And they would not complain.

And that mentality has slowly lifted as time as has passed on and I've worked through it.  But it is still a hard thing for me.  I remember those dark, lifeless eyes. The desperation.  I remember the slime of the white substance floating in fat that they ate for lunch everyday.  And it pains me.  Almost to the point where I punish myself for wanting nice things, buying nice things, or spending money on myself.  It is hard for me to enjoy things sometimes or even feel like celebrating when my heart is burdened by those who don't have anything.

And I know that isn't fair or right.  It's a definite battle for me.  I saved one. I did what I was called to do, and that is all God has called me to right now.  

And my new mission has turned to saving women, much like myself...who need to set boundaries. Who need to figure out their true passions and purposes.  To answer their callings and set everything else aside. Who are/were like me and gave everything to everyone out of the burden's of their hearts.  Who almost punish themselves for wanting to take time for themselves or buy themselves nice things...because they see the needs out there, that seem greater than our selfish desires.  

Yet this is wrong. Being overwhelmed isn't God's calling on our lives. It is NOT.  He gave us very specific gifts, interests, callings, and purposes that we are to work within and out of to best serve His people.  And that requires us slowing down to figure out what those are...and where they fit into our lives now.  We have to make some tough decisions.  And say "NO" to a few things before we figure it out.  Lots of peeling back the layers and asking hard questions.

But it is worth it.  I may not be at the next PTO meeting or the next big church event...because my calling is to work from within the boundaries of my kids needs, from home, behind a computer...impacting other women, like myself, who's circumstances don't allow them to socialize nearly as much as other's.

But that's ok. I'm okay with that now. It is still hard not to feel guilty and compare my seemingly pointless efforts in private to other's larger than life appearances at all the big social events...

So I still struggle too.  But I'm much more confident now, saying "No" because I know where my passion and purpose lie.  And what God has gifted me with for this place/time in life right now. 

What will you quit this week that no longer serves your purpose/passion in life?