Dear Anna,
Our story began January 10th, 2008 (the day Clara was born).
The delivery was somewhat traumatic for me, first time mom and all. After pushing for about 3 hours, using the vacuum, and using forceps they decided to rush me to emergency surgery. C-section it was. Looking back now I often wonder if her epilepsy is caused from the trauma during childbirth.
"I know there is nothing we can do about it now, but coulda, shoulda, woulda.....or maybe I drank too much Diet Dr. Pepper, or did I exercise too much, or maybe my stress level was too high??? I wonder everyday if maybe I could have done something different to keep her from having epilepsy! I don't think I've ever really shared this with anyone, but I carry so much guilt always wondering if I could have done something different. "
Clara’s seizures began when she was only 8 months old.
I remember every single specific detail of her first seizure. I was in the shower and I heard her cry out and then whimper, I hopped out of the shower to check on her and as I picked her up she began convulsing. At first I thought maybe she was having a bad dream, but I couldn’t wake her up. I knew then she was having a seizure. I picked up the phone trying to call 911 but I was so panicked I kept dropping the phone. Finally, I was able to get through to the dispatch, it felt like an eternity! Clara was still seizing! That day my baby seized for over 90 minutes! The ER Dr’s had to give her an elephant’s dose of Valium to stop the seizure. This was honestly the longest 90 minutes of my life. I just knew Clara was going to die and there was absolutely nothing I could do!
During Clara’s first year of life she had about 40 seizures. The one thing we noticed is that Clara never had a seizure that stopped on its own. If we didn’t catch the seizure and administer medication, then she would continue to seize indefinitely. With every seizure there was a risk of brain damage because during a seizure the brain lacks oxygen and the seizures cause scar tissue to build up on the brain. My mom gut told me I needed to look outside of Wichita for a Pediatric Neurologist.
We just weren’t getting the answers we wanted here in Wichita. Shortly after her 1st birthday we saw a Dr. at Children’s Mercy Hospital in KC. We found out during that visit specifically what type of epilepsy Clara had. The Dr. helped us identify triggers and what lowers Clara’s seizure threshold.
So they sent us on our way, back to Andale Kansas to fight for our daughters’ life! It was 100% on us as her parents to catch every single seizure! When I really sit down and think about it…. It makes me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack, but we trust that God will always put us in the right place at the right time for Clara. God has proven time and time again that He has a watchful eye on Clara! From the time that we pulled her from the bottom of the swimming pool during a seizure to the nights when I randomly wake up at 2:00 am and check on her and she has a fever. God has always been there for us! People often ask us “How do you catch her seizures in the middle of the night”? I always reply “I stay up all night and watch her, because that’s what moms do”.
Clara plays softball, is on the swim team, is on a competitive cheer team, plays soccer, loves to ride horses, and spends every Saturday morning with me at the gym. Physical activity is a part of our life! She often asks me when she can start competing in CrossFit competitions! :)
For us physical activity is our stress relief, and honestly the gym is our second home. The family we have gained at the gym has been our support system!
They have rallied around us when we have really needed it! It’s hard to even describe how much they mean to us! Two years ago when I came up with the crazy idea to have a competition to benefit the epilepsy foundation the gym quickly backed me 100%. It seems like now the rest is history!
Our goal is to raise awareness about epilepsy because the numbers are staggering!! 1 and 26 people will develop epilepsy in their lifetime! We know that so many families have it far worse than us, and we choose to be thankful!
I met this beautiful family last weekend at a CrossFit competition called "Seize the Day." It was to raise awareness and funds for epilepsy and for family's like Clara's who are faced with these struggles everyday. It was an honor, AND THE only reason I made myself push through some intense cardio sessions lately to prepare. Ha!
But let me tell you something. You will be more motivated. More empowered. More inspired. More humbled. And have a better perspective on life and your own personal health WHEN IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU.
I haven't spoken real honestly about how I feel about certain area of this fitness industry because I empathize and extend grace as often as I can...
But today, for some reason, I feel a need to express where I am at with all of this.
THIS girl. THIS family. THIS relationship. THIS understanding. THIS is why I workout. THIS is why I run a fitness business. THIS is why I spend hours learning to be a better coach. THIS is why I invest so much of my time and money into coaching, fitness, my business, and some new projects coming soon.
AND...this IS why I do NOT have a lot of patience for...
But let me tell you something. You will be more motivated. More empowered. More inspired. More humbled. And have a better perspective on life and your own personal health WHEN IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU.
I haven't spoken real honestly about how I feel about certain area of this fitness industry because I empathize and extend grace as often as I can...
But today, for some reason, I feel a need to express where I am at with all of this.
THIS girl. THIS family. THIS relationship. THIS understanding. THIS is why I workout. THIS is why I run a fitness business. THIS is why I spend hours learning to be a better coach. THIS is why I invest so much of my time and money into coaching, fitness, my business, and some new projects coming soon.
AND...this IS why I do NOT have a lot of patience for...
- People who complain about their scale weight after 2 weeks of working out.
- People who say my programming doesn't work because they are gaining weight with strength training.
- People who don't understand why I make them learn to do their own meal prep, cooking, and recipe planning...NOT just give them a menu and say follow it.
- People who work out for the sole purpose of looking good on instagram.
- People who seek attention and affirmation for their six-pack abs and shapely butt.
- People seeking a quick with with no earned gains.
- People who think their value and identity is in their PR's and plates pushed.
- People who tire themselves to failure over and over again trying to reach someone else's definition of fitness that is not attainable.
Basically,
PEOPLE WHO UNDERVALUE THEIR HEALTH.
We miss the mark SO MUCH on what working out should be. And why. And how. And families like this come into my life and remind me why I am grateful every damn day for my health. Little girls stronger than I'll ever know teach me how to be strong in a whole new way. Mother's who stay up all night to watch over their daughter's so they don't have seizures who workout because its their ONLY WAY to let go of all the anxiety, stress, and pent up anger.
These are the people we should aspire to be strong for. And like. And because of.
Clara's
Jessica's
Not our EFFING ego's...!?!
SO let them go...because people are out there battling something a lot worse than your disgust with the cellulite on the back of your legs.
Thanks for letting me share your story, friends.
Thanks for being the BEST EXAMPLE of sheSTRENGTH.
If this story inspired you, and you'd like to learn more about what sheSTRENGTH is...
Visit: www.shestrength.com
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